add some Marianess into ur lives..

talking to my friend and my sayang da other day got me thinking back da times i had when i was in matrix.

i was very sad when entering matrix coz i had to miss Wirajaya program at pkn. i was really looking forward to dat coz i really enjoyed being in da wild and all. pkn was 1 of the best things dat happened in my life, i admit. so in matrix, i was jealous of my friends dat can stay to complete their training, sad to leave my bittersweet memories, n also n really lazy to further my studies.

i cried during da orientation, sad to say la. hehehe! silly tul, but true. i was crying not because of their routines or anything. but i really missed pkn. i was really pissed dat i couldnt do da last 2 modules: wirajaya and komuniti. my parents have been very supportive then. they told me to be strong n firm. i think i did fairly well in dat part. i mean, i was da only malay dat didn wear tudung when we were supposed to. haha! not dat i hate wearing it or wateva, i was just plain rebelling. teenage maaa. hehe..

so, after about a month, i was starting to realise dat matrix is soo not like how i imagined it to be. everywhere, ppl were studying. eventho da classes only just started. i didn have a text book pun then! i was in sains hayat at first. in da same lecture group as nik lak tu!! but never noticed him then. neither did he notice me.

i changed to sains fizikal coz i really hate bio. i fell asleep in my first bio class! boring nak mampus. neways, changing to fizikal was nerve wrecking. i was 2 weeks behind them kan. plus, i was da only 1 without tudung in da class. i rmbr ppl asking if i was chinese.

1st sem was difficult. most ppl really discriminate girls dat dont wear tudung. i was. in my own class. n i knew it. they all thought im da kind dat goes clubbing, do god-knows-wat la. such stupid, silly, sempit, cetek and really uncivilized way of thinking. i studied in a bloody school for god’s sakes. n if im in matrix, doesnt dat say something?? dat i want to learn more?? i was so pissed at these ppl, dat i rebelled. i wear clothes ikut suka hati mak bapak aku, i studied, did my tutorials, n i stayed in my room. weird way to rebel, but i wanted to prove to these ppl dat im not useless. n im totally not wat they think i am. a slut, bimbo, bitch, n such la.

i didn have many friends in my 1st sem. coz of da way i am. i was weird, i know. i said kan, i was rebelling. i was doing wateva i want. walk with my hips in front, talk rubbish.. basically, i was just having fun being weird la. i tak kisah langsung wat ppl think about me. honest! i know ppl hate me. like nik’s ex. haha! n more la. i know i was made fun of, dikutuk, etc. im not stupid. i know there was this gang yg suka made me a joke. i know! as if im blind. but i didn care. coz i know it will turn out good for me, and bad for them.

n i think it really did.

look at where i am now. i have a great bf, i got to further my studies in a great course, without squeezing a sen from my parents.. my future is really bright. n im very thankful for these rezeki im blessed with.

back to matrix, after 2nd sem, i think ppl started to respect me and its all because i got good results on my finals. i didn mind anyway. i was grateful dat i succeeded in changing their perspectives of me. i already broke up with my ex then. he’s a good guy.. he helped me go thru 1st sem by being my only company. zue was there 4 me too. after our breakup, i found my friends; mia, nad, naq, didi, syed, miera kecik n myra, etc. thanx to syed, i knew nik, nazim, asy, yana..

so matrix.. i had great memories. i once slept in dis cheap motel with my friends 1 nite coz we wanted to watch a midnite movie, i went to panching n had barbeque, i was an mc for merdeka n raya(i have no idea wat i was thinking), i danced with nik’s dance crew. his ex was in it too. best gila la. hahaha!! i had a fight with a lecturer(Pn Zai), a misunderstanding with another 1(Pn Adilah), a ‘cold treatment’ with another(Pn Shariza). told u i was rebellious. heheh.. ganas ek.. i learnt how to play tennis, i walked from kuantan parade to megamall, i dated a guy i never tot of dating, i fell in love, i had great roomates(miss them so much now..)…

i was a nerd. i was weird. but i was happy.

org lain je tak happy seeing me happy being the way i was. PHD tinggi kot. but in the end, i was da cinderella. my prince charming found me, da step sister lost. i am living in my happily ever after. studies being an exception la. hehe.. im not trying to brag, just being honest.

alhamdullillah..

bulan ramadhan is, after all, a month where we reminisce our past.

peace.

ps: if any1 terasa, a thousand apologies. tell me if u r, dari nak ngumpat, baik settle kan je kan..